So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
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he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
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I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
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