i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
Lo siento on account of my penis...
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