Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Randomize
