She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
Randomize
