Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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