i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
