I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize
