my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
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