u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
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The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
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