Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Randomize
