so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
This toilet bowl is my home.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
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