well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
You can't just leave with hair like that
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
