i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
