god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
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If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize