My nipple is on Facebook.
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
Randomize
