she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Randomize
