Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
Jerry, you need to find god
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
how drunk are you?
Several
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Randomize
