Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
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