Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
