I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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