Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Randomize
