at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Randomize
