I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
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