youre lurking in front of me
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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