I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
You smell like a Billy Joel song
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
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