My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
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