So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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