I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
