oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
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