What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
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