She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Randomize
