yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
