Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
