Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
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