I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
I just threw up on my dentist
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
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