please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Randomize
