Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
