went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
