Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
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