im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize
