I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
Randomize
