so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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