he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
