Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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