Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Randomize
