you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
