actually, I'm a sock model
The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
