the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
