The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
