I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
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