U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Randomize
