I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
