I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
You can't just leave with hair like that
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Randomize
