this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
I look excited, but its just a facade.
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