He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
