hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize
