i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
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