Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
barbara walters just said penis...
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
