Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
