my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
Randomize
