The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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