remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
Randomize
