Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
