My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
People with herpes should wear stickers.
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
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