Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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